


insecure about the world i've been living in

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Michael Guerin Is A Good Bro, New Years, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21623116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “Yes, I'm at a club on New Year’s! Please just come pick me up!” Alex shouted over the music, a level of desperation in his voice that was familiar in the worst way. Michael’s stomach dropped.“Yeah, absolutely, I’ll be right there. Wait outside for me.”
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 52
Kudos: 258





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> winter prompt #132 “Yes i’m out clubbing on new years. Please just pick me up!”

Michael woke up to the sounds of his phone going off. 

Most of the time, he just ignored it, but he had an ever special ringtone for one Alex Manes that he couldn’t ignore. He groggily reached for it and answered it without even opening his eyes. The first thing he heard was loud music that made his eyes pop open.

“Hello? Alex?”

“Guerin!” he said loudly into his end, “Guerin!”

“Where are you?” Michael asked, more out of annoyance than anything else. The music was unbearable.

“I’m at Dickie’s!” Alex shouted and Michael furrowed his eyebrows. A club? “Can you- pi-?”

“What? Alex, you’re cutting out,” Michael said, though he was already fumbling to his feet, “You’re at a club?”

“Yes, I'm at a club on New Year’s! Please just come pick me up!” Alex shouted over the music, a level of desperation in his voice that was familiar in the worst way. Michael’s stomach dropped. 

“Yeah, absolutely, I’ll be right there. Wait outside for me.”

The 25-minute drive to Dickie’s took less than 15 with Michael’s speeding, trying to minimize the time dedicated to what could possibly be wrong. Alex was waiting outside like he’d told him to, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Michael didn’t realize it was starting to snow until he saw little flakes in Alex’s hair. The passenger side door swung open without anyone touching it.

“Get in,” Michael urged. Alex got inside without question and curled up in the seat, trying really hard not to shiver. Michael reached behind the seat and grabbed a blanket for him before putting the heat on high. 

He stared for a moment, seeing that Alex was dressed up quite nicely. He had on tight black jeans and a navy button-up. His cheekbones seemed to have something glittery on them and his eyes had neat liner and mascara on it. His hair had been tossuled in an intentional way now that it was long again. He became even more picturesque as he curled the blanket around him, pulling it up beneath his nose and his eyes closing. Michael started driving much slower than he had to get there.

“Can I ask why you were stranded at a club?” Michael asked softly. While he and Alex we’re on speaking terms, they hadn’t quite reached the “it’s 1 in the morning and I need you” stage. This seemed like a job for Liz or Kyle. Yet, here he was. 

“I had a date,” Alex said softly, “He left with someone else.”

“What?” Michael asked, his eyebrows furrowed as anger started to build in him. How could someone leave him for someone else? How could someone look at him and then chose to date someone that wasn’t Alex Manes? 

He said nothing because he had done that himself.

“I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s why I called you and not Kyle,” Alex grumbled, balling up even tighter. Michael let out a slow breath.

“Okay.”

The long drive back to the cabin was quiet outside of the sound of the heater. Alex didn’t move much. Michael tried not to be worried. He couldn’t help but be infuriated that someone had left him stranded, though. That was just a new level of mean.

“Thank you,” Alex said as they pulled into the driveway, reluctantly letting go of the blanket.

“Keep it,” Michael insisted. While he didn’t personally have much experience with deep-seeded chills, he’d been around Alex long enough to know that once he found a warm spot, it would take forever to find another one.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alex said, eyes on the floorboard as he tightened the blanket around him again.

“Anything.”

“Why did you like me?” he asked softly. Michael almost scoffed. “I keep getting stood up or ghosted or just rejected and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know why I’m not likable.”

Michael shook his head. “Alex, those guys are idiots.”

“Not everyone is an idiot,” Alex whispered, “I’m the common denominator.”

“Alex, I love you because you’re brave and you’re caring when you have every reason to be scared and cruel. You’re kind and selfless and a total badass and, sometimes, you’re even funny,” Michael teased, earning the smallest smile from him, “You’re gorgeous and you are strong and you are usually so assured that it actually scares me you feel like this. Fuck those guys, they just can’t handle the full package of a man that you are. You are likable and you’re lovable and I know this because I love you. And so many other people love you. Stop going for guys who go to clubs and party because you’re not that type of person and you’re not going to find someone that way. You’re looking in the wrong places.”

Alex stared at him for a moment, eyes soft and looking painfully gorgeous in the snow-covered moonlight that shined in through the window. It was unfair and inhuman. He couldn’t understand how the guy who had picked him up that night saw and still chose someone else. Who was more beautiful than him?

“Do you wanna come inside?” Alex wondered.

Michael’s stomach churned, his whole body yearning to say ‘yes, please’. It physically hurt him to know that he couldn’t. He let out a long, melodramatic sigh.

“Literally more than anything in the world, but I can’t,” he said. Alex’s face fell again. “You’re upset and I’m not trying to be someone you regret. So I can’t.”

Alex nodded slowly. “But you want to?”

“Alex, I don’t think there is anything in this world that could make me not want to,” he said earnestly, “But please don’t let that be your validation. You’re amazing and no man wanting to sleep with you has anything to do with it, not even me.”

“Okay,” Alex agreed, “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Goodnight, Michael,” Alex said, managing a smile as he held the blanket tight and opening the door. Michael hoped his words actually helped. 

“Goodnight, Alex.”

He watched him walk away until he disappeared behind the cabin door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex regains his self-worth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [callieraics](callieramics.tumblr.com) on tumblr who asked for a part two a million years ago and I finally wrote it!

“I believe this is yours.”

Michael squinted his eyes as he threw open the door to the airstream. Alex was standing outside, the blanket he’d borrowed all folded up. He looked significantly more put together than he’d seen him two nights prior which was fantastic. The only bad thing was it was ridiculously early in the morning.

“You didn’t have to come bring it back to me this early, Alex,” Michael said, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t even hold his arm out for the blanket. As far as he was concerned, Alex could keep it.

“No, I really think I did,” Alex sighed, holding out the blanket. Michael simply yawned and shook his head.

“Look, I don’t want it back, Alex. I told you to keep it,” he insisted. Alex got that hardened look on his face.

“No, I’m trying to be better about not thinking about romantic feelings and having a blanket that smells like you in my house is not helping, okay?” Alex elaborated. Michael’s eyebrows shot up. Considering that was probably the most straight forward Alex had ever been, he reluctantly accepted the blanket.

“Okay,” Michael said slowly.

“I’m sorry if I was too… pushy the other night. It’s kinda hazy, but I remember you being kind to me and that’s not something I take lightly. So, thank you and I’m sorry,” Alex said. Michael shrugged.

“You weren’t pushy, I promise,” Michael said. Alex gave a respectful little nod.

“So… I’ll see you around, then,” Alex said. He was walking with a purpose back to his car before Michael could think of anything to say back.

He made his way back into the airstream and brought the blanket to his nose. It smelt like Alex.

-

Alex kept true to his word and tried to avoid all things romantic. That’s at least what it seemed like. 

Michael saw him around town, but instead of being on dates with pretty, younger men who he clearly had nothing in common with, he saw him alone. Alex had lunch alone, went to movies alone, and read books alone. Michael would say hi when he saw him, but, for the most part, he let Alex come to him whenever he wanted to talk. For the first time, Michael was watching Alex learn to be happy with himself and he wanted to respect his wishes.

It felt like a blessing, though, because that one little night had actually managed to bring them closer. While they refrained from real flirting or hanging out alone, Alex would send him random texts of things he saw and wanted to share with him. He never thought a meme about astrophysics would make his heart want to burst.

“Michael!” Alex called whenever he walked into the Crashdown. Michael’s chest filled with warmth and a smile involuntarily took over his face as he looked towards the booth where Alex was sitting. He waved him over.

“What’s up?” Michael asked as he walked to see him. He had a few empty baskets of fries, two an empty pot of coffee, a thick, open book full of highlighted lines and page tabs, and a half-melted milkshake. He’d clearly been here for a while.

“I’m reading this book and this line made me think of you and then you walked in right before I texted it to you,” Alex said, pointing at the page. Michael leaned over him and read the line highlighted in pink.

“ _ ‘I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself’,” _ Michael read, huffing a laugh, “Should I be insulted?” 

“No!” Alex laughed, smile easy and intoxicating, “I mean, I could be wrong with his intention, but to me, it’s literally just you. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just you.” 

“What’s pink mean?” Michael asked instead of dwelling on what that meant for too long. Alex took a deep breath.

“That’s what I highlight things that I want to tell you about so I don’t forget,” Alex said simply like that  _ wasn’t  _ the sweetest thing in the world. Michael bit his lip and refrained front stealing the book and cherishing every goddamn pink line. That would make him feel a little too similar to Max. Though, maybe he could get some brownie points from his brother if he saw him cherish a Tolstoy.

“Ah, well, thanks,” Michael said. Alex nodded then waved him away.

“Go get your food and do whatever, I’ve got a book to read.”

Michael didn’t argue.

-

Michael minded his business. He really did. He really, really tried.

“Can you please leave me alone?” 

“Oh, c’mon, Alex, let me make it up to you.”

Michael watched with furrowed eyebrows as a guy hovered beside Alex’s table. Alex had his highlighter clutched in his hand, clearly trying to decide if he should pack up and leave or if he was going to stand his ground because he was there first. Instinct told Michael to go say something, but he knew that if Alex needed help‒he usually didn’t‒then he would’ve asked for it. So, instead, he sat back and watched. Sort of.

“Who is that?” he asked Liz, not even trying to pretend he wasn’t being nosy. Liz raised an eyebrow, stopping in the middle of wiping the tables.

“That’s that guy,” she said after realizing he still expected an answer.

“Real specific, Liz, thanks.”

“You know, that guy. The one who left him at that fucking club on New Year’s,” Liz informed. Anger filled his system as he looked back to Alex and the random guy that was very clearly an asshole. Michael couldn’t help but picture the look on Alex’s face that night. He’d been so upset‒too upset.

“You forgot me at a club, Eli, there’s nothing you can do to make that up to me,” Alex said, doing his best to act like he wasn’t paying attention all while Michael contemplated telekinetically making Eli’s pants fall to the ground. Sure, it was childish, but it was effective.

“And you’ve ghosted me for weeks, so it feels even,” Eli said which made Alex scoff, “C’mon, we’re good together.”

“Just leave me alone.”

“No, I want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t, so leave,” Alex said firmly. Michael was chewing on his lip so hard he almost broke the skin. He wanted to help. He turned to Liz.

“Make a cup of water,” he told her. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“What? Why?”

“Just make a cup of water so I can go pretend to have a reason to butt in,” Michael said. She pursed her lips and gave him that  _ look.  _ “I’m not gonna do anything other than that, I promise.”

Reluctantly, she got him a glass of water that he took with a smile.

Alex’s conversation with Eli was just getting heated whenever Michael strolled up and sat the glass in front of him. They both shut up, though Alex shot him an annoyed glare.

“Can I get anything else for you, sir?” Michael asked, forcing a smile as he kept his attention on Alex. Alex’s look softened just a little.

“No, I was just leaving. Could you tell Liz to put my order on my tab? I’ll pay tomorrow,” Alex said, taking the excuse to gather his things and head out. Michael blocked Eli’s way from following him directly.

“And can I get anything for you?” Michael said, knowing his smile was a little extra cynical as he faced the fresh-out-of-college party twink. Maybe he was biased, but he couldn’t figure out why Alex even wanted to go out with him in the first place. 

“No, move,” Eli said, trying to follow Alex.

Thankfully, his car was gone by the time he got out there.

-

“I didn’t need saving.”

“Good morning to you too,” Michael yawned, rubbing his fist over his eye as he looked at Alex who was standing at his airstream at a ridiculous time of morning again.

“Stop, you should’ve let me handle him yesterday. I-I don’t need some knight in shining armor, I’m independent and I can take care of myself,” Alex said, sounding awfully like he was listing points from memory. Michael shrugged a shoulder.

“I know you can, but that guy was gonna cause a scene. And it’s not like I did anything directly, I just gave you a way out. The guy was clearly an asshole,” Michael explained. Alex still had his angry little face on that really seemed to be forced. “I’m not gonna apologize for giving you an out. You could’ve stayed and argued if you wanted.”

“I don’t need you, Michael,” Alex said. It hurt, he couldn’t lie, but he chose to take a deep breath instead.

“I know you don’t,” he said.

They stared at each other for a moment in complete silence. Michael had no idea what was going through his mind, but he wondered if this was it. Had he finally fucked up for good? Wouldn’t that be hilarious that if his biggest, most monumental fuck up was simply trying to be nice. Except it wouldn’t be funny because that meant losing all the sweet messages he’d gotten used to, all the messages that were simply just an ‘hey, I’m thinking about you’. He didn’t want to lose that. It honestly might be worse than losing him the first time.

“Do you still love me?” Alex asked instead of insisting that they cut off all communication, “That night, you said you loved me. Is that still true?”

Michael scoffed, “I love you more now than I did that night.”

Alex gulped slowly before readjusting his stance and raising his chin. He looked so official and adorable. Michael slowly let the hope fill him once again. “Then can I have your blanket back?”

“You can have whatever you want, Alex,” Michael laughed. Licking his lips, Alex nodded.

“Then I want you to take me on a date. A real date. Not a club, not a hookup, not even like a fancy over the top romantic date‒a normal date. Like, standard dinner and a movie type of date. Can we do that?” Alex asked. Michael’s heart thudded harder in his chest and he fought a smile.

“So you’re not mad at me?” he clarified. 

“I just needed you to know that I don’t need you before I asked you out so you didn’t think I was caving,” Alex explained. Michael grinned and shook his head.

“You’re ridiculous,” Michael said, slowly stepping down from the airstream, “And of course I’ll take you on a date. Just, hopefully not at this early in the morning.”

“Right, right,” Alex said, relaxing with an exhale and a smile, “I just can convince myself to do shit earlier because I haven’t had time to think about it.”

“I get it,” Michael agreed, “So… tonight?” 

Alex bit down on his lip and nodded. “Tonight.”

“And… you wanna come in?” Michael asked. Alex stared at him for a moment, took a deep breath, and nodded.

God bless a confident man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
